Entry Sixty-One: Job 42:5-6
Looking back I feel as if I have been climbing up a steep embankment from the deepest, darkest valley. It has been hard…at times, I despaired. Would I ever reach the summit? But every day, I have placed one foot before the other and now…now I sense I am about to crest this ridge. What will greet me on the other side? I don’t know. But I am stronger now…more resilient…and certainly no longer alone. My fellow climbers are here with me, and I am all anticipation for what the next season of my life holds in store for me.
Like sun shining through the leaves of the trees, patches of light reached down to me from time to time. There were moments of clarity…of lucidity. Those patches of light kept me from losing touch with reality. I could bear the darkness because of the dappled light along the way. But I learned that light shines through the lives of others…their kind deeds…their compassionate words…and I have learned to walk by that light even when there seems to be no light at all.
But now, as I reach out my hand to grasp the final boulder, so that I can pull myself up and over, I sense a different light…a light like the dawn. As I stand in the cold early morning darkness and watch the sun rise in the East, I can see it clearly. It is cold now, but when the sun’s rays touch me, I will be warm. The darkness has tried to overwhelm me…to overcome…to overpower…to overthrow…but God’s light has been shining in that darkness. I was blinded by my own sorrow and could not see it. Now, He has opened my eyes and I see. My ears had heard about God…about His love, His compassion, His patience, His mercy, His grace…I had heard, and I had believed. But now…through this valley of darkness, I see Him…I finally truly see Him.
And I am awed…overjoyed…humbled…exalted. Tears flow freely, and each drop that falls, washes away my misperceptions of Who He is and who He wants me to be.
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