Day Four:
I woke this morning calling out his name. Benjamin! I scrambled out of bed and rushed to his house on the other side of the compound. I startled the chickens and set the geese off honking. I burst through the door, but the room was still empty…the same as it had been yesterday. Nothing had been moved…everything was as he had left it. I could still sense his presence…the smell of my son yet clung to the few possessions remaining. My mind told me he was no longer here, but my heart still cried out his name. Why did he not answer?
There was a voice calling my name…but it was not Benjamin’s voice. No, it was Aaron. His voice was harsh…cutting. But he was not calling me…he was calling the servants to bring me back. They stood silent at the door. I looked at them stupidly…like a lost and frightened sheep. They looked back at me…were they embarrassed? Their eyes showed bewilderment…as it they did not know how to react in the presence of raw grief. I mumbled something about Benjamin…I think I asked them where he was. Were those tears rolling down their cheeks?
I patted the one on the hand…who was that? Elizabeth? She seemed so distraught. I remember telling her not to weep. Benjamin was probably detained somewhere…or perhaps he was in the fields already. But I only succeeded in making matters worse…she shook as she cried, trying, though her sobs, to redirect me to my room.
I let them lead me back to my house…they were so gentle. Where was Aaron? He had already left, they told me. Yes, yes, I replied…he must tend the fields…his fields. His fields, not mine any longer. It was then that I began to wail. The servants fled.
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