Day Fourteen: Psalm 23
I have spent my entire life taking so many things for granted. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob blessed me with a good beginning. I received every blessing with an open hand, stopping only now and then to thank Him for His generosity. Perhaps it was not often enough. Receiving was normative for me and, like the psalmist says, my cup overflowed. Loving parents, a place we called home, a piece of land that provided for our daily needs…and then my beloved Miriam filled a void I was not even aware of before we were married. She was my joy…we overindulged on happiness. And then Aaron was gifted to us…an extraordinary bundle of delight.
But as the sage once said, God gave and, in my case, He gave liberally…but then He began to take back to Himself the gifts He had given. I had never thought of anything or anyone being temporary, until the night my father died. That was the first time I ever thought of life as a fragile bubble on the surface of a fast moving river…the flow of the water never ceased…it continued to run its course…but the bubble…when the bubble burst it was gone, forever.
That was the first time God took anything out of my hand…but it was not the last. My mother, my beloved Miriam, and now…no, He could not have given us Benjamin only to take him to where I cannot go. Benjamin filled the vacuum left by my parents and my wife…without him there is only an empty void where once their lives had been.
I have closed my hand…I hold on to Benjamin in a tightly clenched fist. I cannot let him be taken away as well. His body still walks on this earth…somewhere…he has not gone into the unenterable hereafter…unenterable for the living, that is. And so I must hold on…if not, every drop of blood will be drained from my veins and I will cease to live.
I must eat so that I can go to the river…I will find him there…waiting for me.
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