Entry Forty-Eight:
The Egyptian Queen has not yet set her perfumed foot on Benjamin’s land. Aaron will not speak to me. He avoids me as best he can. But my trusted source of information, Elizabeth, tells me, Herod is not comfortable with what Mark Antony has done and is cautiously trying to persuade the queen to allow him to lease the land from her…here in Jericho as well as in En Gedi. Apparently, she appears to be willing, but for quite a large sum of money. Will he impose yet another tax on us to pay this fee? This is the talk of the town, she tells me. I am appalled. I can well understand why they hate me so much. I set this in motion by agreeing to Benjamin’s request. His unexpected actions have brought calamity upon us. I can see that now, and I am grieved.
O Benjamin, my Benjamin. What have you done? What were you thinking? Your one selfish action has spiralled downwards alarmingly, and the consequences threaten to overwhelm me. I find that anger is rising in my heart. How could you do this to me? You have brought shame on our family. We were once respected in this community…but now we are humiliated. My name is mocked in the town because of you.
I find myself at war within. My anger threatens to quench my love for you. I ponder this thought. Am I wrong in being angry with you? No, my anger is justified. You deserve the full brunt of my wrath. How have I failed you that you repay me in this underhanded manner? Like the God of Israel gave us a well-watered land overflowing with milk and honey, so I gave you only the very best. But you have given me evil for good. But then another emotion surfaces…my deep love for you. Is it an emotion? No, emotions are unpredictable things. No, this is a choice I am making…a conscious choice to love you in spite of my righteous anger.
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