Day Twenty-Three: Genesis 3:9
Apparently, the Rabbi wanted to see me today. I said, no. A man who will not speak my son’s name will rob me of my fragile unreal reality. It is scarcely held together by dreams and remembrances. No rabbinical logic will steal away my precious moments with my Benjamin.
Aaron seems exasperated…when he sees me, he shakes his head or rolls his eyes. He scowls at me during dinner. I am an unpleasant reminder of a brother he wishes to forget. Does his god only love the righteous? His god would not have called for Adam in the garden…his god would not have given them the promise of the seed to come…his god would not promise anything…his god would turn his back and walk away.
My God sends sunshine to our land as well as the land that now belongs to Herod…without distinction…and He will send rain in due season too. I catch myself thinking that in this I am not unlike Aaron and his rabbi…I have been too harsh…perhaps I ought to walk over and speak to the new owner. Is he not God’s creature too? Lost, like Benjamin, yet loved still. Am I a heretic?
Perhaps I will walk in what was Benjamin’s orchard of palm trees in the cool of the evening…as God walked in the cool of the evening in the garden. Perhaps I may find an Adam of my own…an Adam who needs to be found. An Adam who may be like my Benjamin.
But for now, I sit at the river and talk to my Benjamin. Yes, I find that I can talk to him here…he makes no reply…but perhaps if I speak long enough, he will hear and come home to find me. Would he know where to find me? Would he remember this place as I do? What if he returns while I am gone? Would he not flee the home that has now become inhospitable? I must return.
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