Entry Sixty-Five: Romans 3:9-20
“And just how long will you keep up with this vigil of yours?” Aaron actually speaks to me. This is the first time in months that he addresses me, albeit in a disrespectful manner. “So our land has been returned…no thanks to that son of yours…but it changes nothing. Benjamin disgraced our family…he disgraced our community…he disgraced our God and everything we believe in.” Listening to him speak, is like drinking poison. “And you?” I ask. “Are you without sin? Then perhaps you can cast the first stone on his return.” I am angry. Aaron opens his mouth and then closes it. He walks away. At the door he turns. “He will never return,” he says. He leaves.
Months ago, this kind of interaction would have bothered me. But I am immune to his putrid vitriol now…he can no longer infect me with his heart disorder. I will still watch the road. The wise King Solomon once wrote that while hatred may stir up contention, love covers all offences. I choose to forgive…I choose to forgive Benjamin for his deliberate sins against me, against my family, against my community, against my God. I choose to forgive him…because I wish to be forgiven for my iniquities too. I cannot ask for forgiveness if I am not willing to extend it to those who sin against me. I do not overlook his sin. No. That would be unwise. He has sinned…grievously…selfishly…and has brought shame and sorrow upon me. But we do the same to God every day…and He chooses to forgive us. Can I do any less, since I claim to be His child?
I must find Benjamin…find him before Aaron does…find him before anyone in our community does. I must lead the way…I must demonstrate the love of God by my actions. No one seeks after God…God seeks after us. Benjamin will have nothing to offer…nothing to justify his behaviour. I must justify him through my behaviour…my love and my acceptance must stem the tide of hatred…the baying for blood…the hunger for vengeance.
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